Losing love..

I know im not the only person who has lost someone they love. People move on, they pass away, they move away, they change. I think most of these things people can relate to.  Actually im most certain.

Recently i think i lost the most wonderful person ever. Kayla Michelle Martin has been my very best friend since I was in the 7th grade. (3years) – ya ya that may not seem like forever but trust me, its long enough.

I get a phone call::

K: Hey Tamra Im ok but im not going to west anymore. I cant ecplain what is going on right now, but im ok

T: What? Im lost what is going on.

K: I moved in with my grandparents..

Just that small part made the walls of life come in crashing down all around me. The things I was holding up fell on me, and im my peace and joy it was filled with a depressing sadness. Through everything I have been through in the last 3 years, I run to her with it. She is my everything and my sister and best friend. I dont understand why things happen the way they do. And so many times I want to believe that everything will be ok; but somehow i just dont see anything going back to the way it used to be. Lately I have felt like a human waterfall with tears shedding at every memory. God bottles it. somehow i think everything will work out!

On that very day of that phone call, even the second, everything i thought was stable and alright was unstable and so broken; there is no description.. Pain cuts deeper than anything I can think of. Sometimes i think id rather have a paper cut ( which by the way, hurt like crazy) rather than something the cuts the heart. Emotionally lately ive been more unstable than ever before. Everyone says time heals pain. Im actually a firm believer that God heals pain in time. And right now after I have endured and walked through the storms of life and fire- i know they aren’t done- but in this season, ive endured and i believe God is starting the healing process. Yes the memory is still there and the pain still exceeds what i have been through letely but i do believe everything will be ok.

Everyone says have faith! DO YOU SERIOUSLY NOT KNOW THAT I DOO HAVE FAITH BIGGER THAN A MUSTARD SEED. every other time I find myself telling them have faith, when really they appear to have less than me. Everyone says just be strong. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, IM THE ONE ALWAYS HOLDING EVERYTHING UP [[with Gods help]] and now all the sudden because your not faced with this tragic event.. you tell me to be STRONG?!

Guess what.. even though i think everything wont be ok.. it will. And yes I will remain strong always. For I put my trust in the Lord and He renews my strength

Lord I repent for trying things my way and on my own when all i should do is obey and follow your will. I see the vision, I believe it, I trust in it… and in Jesus’ name ITS FINISHED.

POINT:: No things will not be the way they ever were and in time God will fully heal me of the pain I suffer. For now I keep a hold of my father cause I cant do it alone. The peace of God will follow me. I will give it a little time and I will not worry about tomorrow. I free my mind. Cause in my lonliness and sadness when im feeling all alone, its my father who wraps his arm around me and whispers:: Tamra im right here. I love you. Keep holding on. For this is just a season.

God, how great you are to me! Exceeding every expectation I ever had. Who can compare to THAT?!

Advertisement